Certified wankstaSo this Sunday I was treated to courtside seats at the Entertainer’s Basketball Classic at MSG. I know sounds good, but I’m going to tell you why it was actually great. First off we were only two rows back from the floor right by the basket and it wasn’t awkward at all being the only white person in the building. Then the real show began. It kicked off with the youth team, it got off to a slow start, after 10 minutes it was an amazing 14-6 in favor of the West. To add to the fun we were treated to a half time performance by a second rate B2K imitation band. Afterwards The M.C. asked us multiple times to clap it up after the performance, and then proceeded to say that they were terrible, classy. The only highlight of the youth game was one kid who didn’t have a uniform and played in his gym shorts but was still the best out there. Ok, so far it wasn’t worth 40 bucks, but I had high hopes for the featured game, plus D.J. Enuff was proving the soundtrack which was the only thing this event had going so far. Then the M.C. started dropping hints, apparently Jim Jones of The Diplomats was “In the Building”. Ok, he’s on TV more than I am so I guess I’ll give it to him. We are gonna have guys who can actually play right? Next up is a guy who the M.C. says “never let the fame of his brother get to his head”, you all know and love him, Fat Joe’s younger brother who works the camera for his videos. Ok, were getting ready to riot here, this was just pathetic. I thought when he announced that Michael Bivens was suiting up that someone was gonna get shot . This tournament used to feature prominent NBA players and playground legends. So far the closest thing we have is Bobito Garcia, who you may know as the annoying voice on NBA Street Vol 2. He’s the guy who’s telling you how your handle looks like hot butter melting on corn at a block party in Harlem in August, whatever. Now here’s the best part, we’ve got D-Level celebrities mailing it in out there because guys like Jim Jones smoked too many blunts before the game. The highlight is when Fat Joe’s brother announced before the start of the game that they should have paramedics standing by since he “Unfortunately smoked and entire pack of Newports before the game”, wow. So all these winded, stoned and talent-less hacks are out there looking pathetic when the lone bright spot reveals itself. Salvation comes in the form of a 65 year old white guy who looks like my Dad known only as “The Teacher”. Well, “The Teacher” proceeds to cross over and cross out all the competition and takes these supposed entertainers to school. Even the court announcer, clad in a bathrobe and aviators, is saying that he’s the best out there. There’s about 1:30 left in the first half when I see Jim Jones looking like he wants to die when one of the MSG faithful screams “You got 90 seconds left Jim!!!” causing everyone to laugh at how absurd this game is. Needless to say we didn’t stay to see who won the game. This was a pathetic display and to be honest it was falsely represented by its promoters, it was an insult. Thanks again Dolan, you make my life complete.
Jon, NYC contributor
