The Browns are flippin sweet, gosh!

Hey dipshit, it's not a FG.



The Browns are showing their true colors as of late (no, not shit brown). They beat the Buffalo Jills 20-17 on Saturday night, improving their pre-season record to 2-1. Yes, i understand it is pre-season. Yes, I understand these games are as pointless as going to a bar and ordering water. But there were definately some positives to look forward to.
1. Kellen Winslow did not get hurt.
2. Braylon Edwards did not get hurt. (side note: BE looked pretty f'ing sweet. Knocking dudes around like Albert Belle with his girlfriend, catching balls and breaking tackles. Good stuff).
3. Nobody significant got injured (However, Sean Maher, not to be confused with pop artist Jon Mayer got hurt). Anyways, they both suck ass so who gives a shit.
4. Willie Green looked like Jim Brown, minus the ability and future potential. In all seriousness, Willie looked great against the 3rd stringers
5. Jerome "Ghost" Harrison. Nuff said. This kid is a freak, has always been a freak, and always will be a freak. This kid excites me more than a George Bush press conference (and yes, he is stupid).
6. Derek "The Enigma" Anderson pretty much locked up the back up spot. When this kid comes in, I don't know if I should run and head for cover, or marvel at his field gun of an arm. Regardless, he led us to a W.
And finally...
7. Bernie Kosar. Ok, so let me just say that, like Albert Belle, I loved Bernie Kosar when I was a child. With that said, Bernie should have remained a memory and should have never come back to Cleveland to do color commentary for the Browns pre-season games. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Is he coked up? Is he liquored up? Is he using a voice box? Or is a combination of all 3? His wife claimed Bernie displayed 'increasingly bizarre and erratic behavior and various other addictions'. Addictions to what, sounding like an asshole on live TV, embarrassing and tarnishing his image to Browns fans world wide? Here is an idea: before you ask a Cleveland icon to do commentary, make sure he is not insaine. Thanks.

GO BROWNS!

Me=Sad

"Homeboy don't play that, bitch"


We tend to idolize athletes or famous figures when we are children. For instance, I idolized the biggest prick-asshole, scumbag, piece of shit person this side of Terrell Owens: Albert Belle. Not only was he a dickhead, but he celebrated it. Albert Belle terrorized pitchers with his famous staredown. Unfortunately, he also terrorizes members of the opposite sex (along with touching them innaproporiately). Albert Belle was sentenced today to 3 months in jail and 5 years of probation for stalking his ex-girlfriend. This is where I have a problem. You see, to Albert, stalking is a relative term. Is is a crime to protect someone? Belle's former girlfriend told police in January that she discovered a Global Positioning System tracking device that had fallen off her car. Umm, hasn't she ever heard of a fucking surprise? The world is a dangerous place. You can never be too safe nowadays.
She also said Belle had threatened her. Well, would you not be a TADDD upset if your significant other didn't appreciate the tracking device you nicely placed on her car without her knowing? Girls just don't acknowledge chivalry anymore.
While Belle may have a had a few problems in his past (suspended in 1994 for using a corked bat, fined in 1990 for throwing a baseball into the stands where it struck a fan who had been taunting him about his alcohol rehab, chased down rowdy trick-or-treating vandals who were celebrating Halloween by throwing eggs at his home, bumping one of the vandals with his car), he should NOT be made into a monster. In fact, he should be given an I Care About My Bitch award. Those tracking devices are expensive as hell and she just blew it off like he was stalking her. I'm calling Bullshit. Anyways, stay proud, Joey, and don't let the man keep you down. Two rules to follow while locked up: don't drop the soap and keep your ass clinched at all times. Good luck and god bless.